Temper Tantrums: Stop the Whining!
Research has confirmed whining as the most annoying sound to the human ear. Unfortunately, parents of preschoolers face the sound of whining on a regular basis. Most agree that whining is a habit that they hope their kids will break soon.
Have you ever wondered why kids whine? Is it purposely or unintentionally? What is the best way to get children to behave? Moreover, should you ignore the behavior or give in to your children’s demands?
Preschoolers know that they can get your attention quickly if they use a certain tone of voice. This is why children start whining when they are tired, hungry, or thirsty. They may also whine when they are not feeling well. In these cases, it is best to comfort your children and attend to their needs.
Unfortunately, for children, negative attention is better than no attention at all. They are aware that whining works. Whether you have said no to an extra cookie, more screen time, or a candy bar from the checkout aisle, they know that they will succeed in getting what they want as soon as you hear the sound of their high-pitched wail.
How to un-whine children
As parents, we are often embarrassed by the sudden outbursts of our children, especially when they are misbehaving in a public place. We usually give in to their demands and assume that simply getting them what they want will prevent any extreme meltdowns. However, not addressing the behavior can cause it to continue well into the child’s teenage years.
If the child is throwing a tantrum because of any physical discomfort, tending immediately to their needs will solve the problem. Nevertheless, if the child is acting up for their own advantage, here are some ways to put a cork in the bottle.
- Take action
To avoid whining, respond to the first call of action by your child. For example, if you are on the phone and your son comes up to talk, make eye contact and signal for him to wait. Attend to your child as soon as you are finished with the conversation. Additionally, make sure you avoid potential tantrums by sticking to a daily schedule and keeping snacks and water in your purse.
- Relate to them
Children have a habit of asking for things that they cannot have. For example, they might ask for more than one gift at the party. Instead of scolding, make them understand that there is only one gift for each child at the party. If your daughter pleads at the top of her lungs for one of the candies from the checkout aisle at the grocery store, divert her attention by asking her to choose the apples or the flavor of ice cream for dinner.
- Be calm
Ask any parent and they will admit that it is hard to stay calm in such situations. Nevertheless, don’t mimic your child’s tone of voice by shouting back. Instead, speak in a calm voice and say something like, “I don’t understand when you don’t use your normal voice. Please speak properly so I can understand.”
- Give rewards
When your child does repeat his request in a normal voice, don’t hesitate to respond immediately. Of course, this does not mean you have to give in to their unreasonable demands, but you can appreciate their effort by saying, “Wow that sounded so nice, but I am sorry you can’t have more cookies now. It’s almost time for dinner.”
- Don’t give in
Giving in to children’s demands is the best way to get them off your back, especially when you are tired or preoccupied yourself. Simply saying, “Go ahead, do whatever you want!” seems to be the ideal solution for many of us but if you make it a habit, be prepared to hear a lot more whining in the future.
Connect with children
Ignore your child’s whining. However, if he continues to throw a tantrum after you have attempted several times to make him calm down and pain or illness is not the cause, then ask yourself if you have been too busy lately. Has a new sibling joined the family? Or perhaps your family is going through a life-changing event such as death, divorce, or remarriage. Children often find it difficult to cope with changes in their life and convey their frustrations and confusion through whining.
If this is the reason, then try to reconnect with your children. Spend more time with them. Read stories. Play games. Simply spending a few minutes of your day with your children will make a huge difference in their behavior and give them the positive attention they require.